Welcome back one and all to Hold 322’s second annual Tournament of Heroes. As you may recall, last year we had a field of 64 heroes and in the end Thor was the last one standing. This year’s tournament is much different than last year’s in several ways. This year the field of heroes was only 32 to start with, not 64, and broken up into four 8 hero teams managed by each of the four chuckle-heads who host Hold 322. There are no seeds or brackets. This year’s tournament will involve challenges, defenses, judges and the roll of a twelve sided dice.
To better understand what that means, read on and also be sure to listen in to this and last week’s episode of Hold 322 to hear the tournament thus far as it happened!
So far we have done sixteen hero battles, which is all of round one. Here are this week’s results:
Fight One: Aquaman vs. SHAZAM
Jeff began this week’s hostilities by challenging Bob’s team with the lord of Atlantis himself, Aquaman. Bob countered with the big red cheese SHAZAM, picked JC as the judge, and the first fight of the day was on. Jeff kept insisting the battle would take place in water and Bob kept arguing SHAZAM would stay clear of water, forcing Aquaman to battle him on dry land, where his ability to fly would be an advantage. Jeff claimed that Aquaman could absorb SHAZAM’s lightning with his trident, but Bob insisted that SHAZAM would just prove too strong and powerful for him to overcome. JC noted that SHAZAM’s youth and inexperience would be a liability for him, but ultimately sided with the big red Boy Scout over the guy who talks to fish. The dice upheld his verdict.
Fight Two: Wolverine vs. Power Girl
When JC challenged Thom’s team with Wolverine and our favorite Canadian fought back with Power Girl, Bob (the judge) found himself having to once again decide a fight from last year’s tournament that had led to a controversial outcome. Last year Bob voted for Logan on the show but changed his vote to Kara before he wrote the official results in the blog. Still not able to make a clear decision, this year he decided the best course of action would be to let fate decide with an even set odds roll of the dice…
Fight Three: Silver Surfer vs. the Hulk
Thom unleashed his biggest gun when he attacked Bob’s team with the Silver Surfer, and Bob thought he was countering with an even bigger gun when he chose to defend with the Incredible Hulk, but the judge (JC) did not agree. Neither did the dice.
Winner: Silver Surfer!
Fight Four: Swamp Thing vs. the Tenth Doctor
Bob challenged Thom with Swamp Thing. Thom responded with the tenth Doctor and initially selected Jeff as the judge, but super-biased Time Lord Groupie, JC, spoke up and got Thom to pick him instead. It was clear Bob countered all of Thom’s arguments with the greatest of ease, even JC admitted as much, but it was just as obvious that the radioactive professor would not allow his fanboy crush to go down in defeat. Of course, Bob can’t moan and groan too much about the judge’s biased decision because the dice overruled it in the end.
Winner: Swamp Thing!
Fight Five: Volstagg vs. Doctor Strange
Jeff took on JC’s team with the massive bearded braggart, Volstagg, and Mr. Carter countered against the Falstaff of Asgard with the Sorcerer Supreme, Doctor Strange. Bob, as judge, was unconvinced by Jeff’s arguments that Volstagg would easily pummel away at Doctor Strange, whom he unsuccessfully tried to portray as a not very powerful or experienced mystic, and apparently the dice were unconvinced as well. As the saying goes, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Winner: Doctor Strange!
Fight Six: the Amazing Spider-Man vs. Earth 2’s Green Lantern
In a similarly awkward experience to that of the Luke Cage vs. Superman fight from last week, Bob again found himself arguing against one of his favorite comic book heroes this time around as JC attacked him with Peter Parker: the Spectacular Spider-Man, and he was forced to fight against his fanboy favorite with Earth 2’s Green Lantern. Thom, as judge, sided with Spidey, and Bob couldn’t blame him for it, but he was still pretty pleased to have the dice side with his fighter.
Winner: Earth 2’s Green Lantern!
Fight Seven: Batman vs. Captain James T. Kirk
Holy late sixties pop-culture clash of the fanboy-favorites, fight fans! This was perhaps the most interesting match-up of the first round when Thom challenged Jeff with Batman and Jeff responded with the iconic starship captain. Bob, as judge, was convinced, even before hearing arguments that he would side with the Dark Knight, but then Jeff pushed him away from that stance with a surprising argument: that Kirk can beat any opponent with his patented two handed double axe-handle strike to the back. Bob decided this would make the fight between icons equal and chose to let the dice decide. Apparently the D-12 is a big Trek fan.
Winner: Captain James T. Kirk!
Fight Eight: Iron Man vs. Valkyrie
This would have been Bob’s turn to make a challenge, but all his heroes had already fought by this time, so the last two heroes who hadn’t yet fought (Iron Man from JC’s team and Valkyrie from Jeff’s team) were pitted against each other with Thom as the judge. Arguments were made by both sides, but ultimately Thom was still too mad at Jeff over the outcome of the Kirk vs. Batman fight to be fair or impartial and he sided with Iron Man. The D-12 upheld his ruling.
Winner: Iron Man!
So that’s it for this week’s matches and round one as a whole. Join us next week when eight more heroes fall as we start and finish round two (the sweet 16!) of this year’s exciting tournament. Remember to keep listening to Hold 322 every Tuesday on iTunes, Stitcher and Hold 322.com! For all of us at the world’s greatest comic book podcast, this is Robert Easton wishing you a wonderfully nerdy week. Alons-y!